.The cold grasp....

A cold hand grabbed my arm,as I took my bag to leave after my day shift...I turned around ..a trembling woman standing beside me..sweating...breathing heavily....Are you alright ,Sheeba?why are you so cold  and sweaty?did u take food after your evening dose of insulin?are you dizzy?want to lie down?...She didnt answer..she kept breathing heavily and tightened her hold on my arm...I too held her fearing she might faint...She was eight  months pregnant with her third baby,known case of SLE (  a type of connective tissue disorder affecting many organs),with high blood pressure on drugs,high blood sugars on insulin....nephropathy and what not ...During her last delivery ,she threw siezures due to her high blood pressure ,went into respiratory arrest..was on ventilator..lost the baby she carried...and finally after weeks miraculously came back to life...She was advised not to become pregnant again..but she came back pregnant.Every doctor who see her ,ask why she conceived,knowing that she could even lose her life in this process of child birth...She stays quiet and blank to that question...Doctor,I want sterilisation surgery along with this caesarean ,in trembling voice she told me..We both sat on the bench in the verandah.Hey,who said we are going to do caesarean on you today?you are only eight months..and before planning for your caesarean,we will any way give you  the sterilisation option,that time you can sign the consent..why are you worried about it now?You know doctor,last time with all the complications,doctors didnt sterilise me,saying my baby had some distress..I was unconscious at that time.. and now again am carrying a baby,and I  am a burden to my family..my husband is a very poor man.I have no one to help me..tears were rolling down her cheeks...please sterilise me this time,doctor..i dont want to become pregnant again...Thats fine,Sheeba..but you need to give this consent before surgery ..not now ,so early...she grabbed both my hands,doctor i wont be conscious at that time,thats why i am asking you this...I had a chill through my spine...How do you know that?Do you have head ache or something?did you take your medicines for BP? She smiled..I am fine doctor,but i am sure of it...I took her back to ward and checked her BP ..It was normal..See,you are fine...dont go around talking such things and scare people..you are perfectly fine now..now go to sleep...She once again grabbed tight my hand..smiled and loosened it..i walked away...Since i was slightly disturbed about it,i told my colleague taking night shift about this,and that she wants sterilisation in case some thing odd happens at night and she is taken for caesarean..Next day as i walked in,i found a different patient in Sheeba's bed.  Sheeba had thrown siezures early in the morning...emergency caesarean was done..Both mother and baby were fine..and she was sterilised..As i was standing beside her, reading her surgery notes,she opened her eyes and grabbed my hand with her cold sweaty hands,and smiled....

The frail old man

Despite my efforts to get out of hospital early and catch my favourite seat in the bus to trivandrum,I got late..not only my favourite wndow seat,most seats of the bus were occupied and few people are standing in short of seats...Hoping to get a seat atleast,i moved to the front,and there was one seat unoccupied,near an old man,in 70s ,wearing an old torn over sized shirt..People were standing near him,but no one took that seat ,wondered why.I took the seat any way.The old man who was looking outside the window till then turned to me..Well, I knew him,a regular visitor in my opd..Doctor,are you going to trivandrum?he asked...Yes,my house is in trivandrum,going for weekend .So when will you be back?i will be back on monday..You know I want to bring my wife to you,she has pain on her both knees ..Sure bring her on monday...Doctor,why doesnt my back pain get relieved completely? It is age related,there are no rejuvenating medicines,all we can do is help with pain killers....He wasnt happy with my answer..before he shooted the next doubt,i changed the topic..where is ur place,where are u getting down?he said onthupacha..Bus started..conductor came for tickets...The old man was searching in his shirt pocket and the crumbled plastic bag stuffed with op tickets,prescriptions ,and medicine strips..again and again he was looking for money...only one crumbled lottery ticket came out of his pocket..conductor started muttering what sort of people get into bus without even money for ticket..Before he said more I gave him my hundred rupee note and said 1 ticket to trivandum and 1 to onthupacha..He gave a displeasured look and moved..I gave the ticket to the old man.He didnt say anything,but his eyes were full..He didnt speak anything after that...silently stepped out at his stop.

Next week he came to my busy opd...while i was writing his medicines,he tried to pass me a small news paper covered parcel,under the table..i was shocked,didnt realise for a moment what was happening,...i asked him what it is...he wouldnt say..i said i dont take such gifts..he said its not a gift or bribe,,he opened the parcel and showed me,it was 3 eggs..Doctor,that day u paid my bus ticket,so please keep this...before i could say something,he left the eggs on my table and left....self esteem of a frail old poor man....